Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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