Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
