i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
