Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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