Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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