I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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