i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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