I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
