drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
