my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Randomize
