Well apparently he's into motor boating.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
