i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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