apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
