this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
