were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
