If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
