T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
