he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
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