So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
