I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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