This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
