If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
