You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
