Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
BRING THE BAGELS
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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