I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
