Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
