why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
