i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
a search helicopter?!
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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