Pants 0. Shit 1.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
