Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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