and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
