its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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