She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
