Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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