I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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