I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
