The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
