i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
