People in love make me want to vomit
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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