You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
