My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
