I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
