By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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