oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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