shes about as inviting as chlamydia
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she pinky promised me she was 18
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
