I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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