i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
