Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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