chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
