My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
